So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
