Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
