I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
