i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
