it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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