Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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