so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
one might say we're banned from that church
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
