'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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