So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
