And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
