It's Friday. Sex?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
