there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
