I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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