so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
