I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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