does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
