Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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