Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
