I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
pop tarts are not kleenex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
