____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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