I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
