people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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