my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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