Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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