i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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