I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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