oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
