i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
