I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize