You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
