I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
