wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
