On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
