Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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