walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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