Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
