This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
