I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
