Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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