My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
