I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
