I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
