U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
