Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
