yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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