sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Two words: blizzard sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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