he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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