Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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