just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
