i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
