im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
