Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
