He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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