porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
