i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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