if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
