She said her name was "party"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
