if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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