I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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