Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
