when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
