i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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