About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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