problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
