It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
