first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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