THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize