When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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