the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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