I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
