Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
