Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
