Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
